Testimony: From Empty to Filled

I got permission to post this. I praise the Lord Jesus Christ for my wife and I am thankful she allowed me to post this testimony. May the Grace of Christ be with you all:

When Melissa first asked me to share my testimony at MOPS I was a little reluctant to at first. Because I knew that I had only shared part of what Christ had done in my life & wasn’t quite sure what the Lord would have me to say, but with much prayer I’ve asked to the Lord to humble me, and to help me to be completely transparent so that he may get the glory and for him to use this testimony of what he has done in my life to bring hope to those who may be struggling and to encourage those who are walking with him. It’s been over 4 ½ years since the Lord brought me out of the darkness into his marvelous light (2 Corinthians 4:6, 1 Peter 2:9). I look back years prior to my salvation when the Lord was doing just that drawing me.

I had grown up in church pretty much my whole life. Did the normal activities, sung on the choir& all of that but I didn’t know the Lord and was lost in my sin. Karsten my husband went to the same church for many years as well. We didn’t pay much attention to one another back then. Once I got older I told my mom I didn’t want to go to church anymore because it didn’t serve any purpose in my life. From time to time she would make me go but eventually I stopped going all together. The summer before I went to high school changed my life dramatically. I lost my virginity at the young age of 14 that summer to my boyfriend at the time, who told me he loved me and if I loved him …. Well you pretty much no the rest. From that point I became very promiscuous. I loved the attention I was getting from the boys… so I thought. I spent many days in high school in tears because of the choices I was making. But God is faithful. When I came to my senior year in high school I met a girl in my computer class. Everyone knew her as the girl who like’s girls. And we became friends. She would make passes at me just like the guys would and at first I thought it was funny and quite weird because I never had even thought of women in that way at all, but then I thought why not try it out. But God is faithful. We ended up establishing a relationship with one another that became quite serious. Never in a million years could I have imagined that I would be in a relationship with a girl and quite frankly neither could my parents it wasn’t me. It just shows how crafty satan is and how he prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour as is stated in 1 Peter 5:8. I just wanted to be loved and it didn’t matter by who. When my dad heard of this he went ballistic and threw me out of the house, I was 18 years old. But God is faithful. I moved in with my grandparents for the time being. I still was in a relationship with the girl at this time. I was convinced we were in love. I ended up spending lots of time at her house but not because of her but because of her parents. It turned out that they were Christians. Again I say but God is faithful. They laid down the law to us about the rules in their house & shared how they loved us but not our sin & how God was not pleased with our sin but loved us. I was very drawn to them and the love they showed towards me. Remember I had heard about Jesus my whole life but never had I seen him lived out. My relationship with this girl went on even still. But God is faithful. She went away to the Army and our so called relationship went down hill. I cheated on her with some guy and she cheated on me with some girl if you want to call it all of that. Things began to get worse in my life. Through out that three year time span I had attempted suicide twice, was drunk every weekend, suffered with depression and anxiety, had broken up with this girl, got back together and broke up again. But I also heard the gospel of Jesus Christ from the girl’s mom as well. She explained to me the difference between sinning and living a lifestyle of sin. She explained to me as stated in Romans 6:23 says for the wages of sin is death, buy the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. You see in my church growing up I was always told God would forgive you no matter what you do. While that is true for the believer in Christ, who has forsaken their sin for the cross of Christ, that wasn’t yet me. But God is faithful. I moved in with a friend of mine and we partied together on the weekends and lived our lives in what people say “to the fullest”. I even thought that things were getting better seeing that I wasn’t with the girl anymore. But I was deceived once again. I was lost. The void I tried to fill with everything I could think of, but I was empty. That’s when Karsten came back into my life. I don’t remember how but we began to email each other. He had gotten saved as they called it, and he was always ready to share with me about Christ and what he had done in his life. I would ask him questions and he would answer. He invited me to a church service one night that he was worship leader at and reluctantly I went. I can’t quite remember what was preached about that night but I do remember people telling me that they had been praying for me. I also remember looking at Karsten and saying to my friends “I’m going to marry him and of course they said “yea right” but I said “I am.” I don’t know why I feel this way but I am” I told them. Little did I know at the time God had laid the same thing on Karsten’s heart at the same time! Now obviously Karsten had more to be concerned about than me at the time because I wasn’t saved yet. But God is faithful. For the next six months I continued to do my own thing living my life to the “fullest” until an incident happened that brought me to my knees. I can’t quite remember what the incident was but I was tired. So I came into my apartment and got down on my knees and cried out to God to have mercy on me. The bible says in Romans 10:9 that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Karsten invited me to a youth event at the church and I went. The pastor preached and at the end of his sermon, had all the youth to stand and said that if you are not sure that when you died you would go to heaven then remain standing. Well I was the only one still standing and I couldn’t sit down. Although I believed that God saved me in my apartment when I called on the name of Jesus and repented of my sin, I believe this was a outward profession of faith in his son. That night Karsten did a whole lot of rejoicing as he watched God fulfilling his promises. He later told me. And the rest is history.

We have been married for 4 ½ almost 5 years in August with three beautiful baby boys. I would love to tell you that coming to Christ has made my life perfect but I would be lying. But God in his grace and mercy has given me true life in Christ. Jesus said in John 14:6 I am the way the truth and the life; no man comes to the Father but through me. See I was trying to find life in everything but Christ; in myself and in my relationships. The spirit of God which dwells in me is now perfecting me into the image of his son Jesus Christ. The first 1 ½ of marriage was rough but God has been faithful even through that. I have learned what true love is through Christ. Scripture says in Romans 5:8 that God demonstrates his love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Karsten was used by God as a vessel used to draw me Christ and for his obedience I am grateful. But truly I am thankful to God for his grace and mercy. It was not something I earned nor did I deserve but he gave it to me freely. So if you are here tonight and you are thinking why do I need Christ I have a great life, a great marriage, well behaved children and I’m just a overall good person, remember that Romans 3:10 says that there is none righteous not even one. Romans 3:23 says “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” We all are in need of a savior. No one apart from Christ can live up to God’s holy standard. And because of his holiness he had to give a consequence for our sin. And if you are here tonight and your thinking God could never forgive me, I’ve done some awful things. Remember this; I was a fornicator living in a homosexual lifestyle, a lover of self, and liar and a hater of God. And he forgave me because of Jesus Christ and his living a sinless life, dying on the cross for our sins and his being raised from the dead!! There is no sin that God can’t and won’t forgive other than the rejecting of his son altogether. When we believe in Christ and turn from our sin to his mercy and love he gives us new life in Christ we are new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17). God loves us and desires that we turn from our sin to him so that we may have eternal life through Christ. I will be eternally grateful for the cross of Christ and what it’s done for me and my hope is that if you don’t have that same hope in Christ that you would put your hope in him today. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)